this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
