dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
