So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
