I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
