she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
