Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
