Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
