Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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