i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
