My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
