at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
