I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
