I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
