I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
