your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
