Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
