Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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