Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
