I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
