dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
