I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
