is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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