She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
