I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
