You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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