OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
