you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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