I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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