I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
