so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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