Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
