Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
