His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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