I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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