matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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