Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
