right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
