Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
