Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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