How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
