i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
