threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm bleeding and have questions
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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