ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
