I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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