They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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