BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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