Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
