508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
