Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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