Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
