I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
