RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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