how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
