you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
