I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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